Why Oh Why Are We Ruled by These Liars? (Tommy Thompson Edition)
The Innumerate Right (Michael Barone Is an Embarrassment to the Press Corps Edition)

Donald "Big Brother" Rumsfeld Speaks!

As compiled by Tim Dunlop:

the road to surfdom: "Yes! There are no guerillas! There is no insurgency!

I guess the reason I don't use the phrase 'guerrilla war' is because there isn't one, and it would be a misunderstanding and a miscommunication to you and to the people of the country and the world.

Yes! There are guerillas! There is an insurgency:

U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld acknowledged today that the United States failed to predict the strength of the insurgency in Iraq, but he defended the size of the US force deployed to stabilize the country.

We didn't stop them because the invasion was so successful and we were just so damn quick:

In an interview with The New York Times, the president said for the first time that he made a 'miscalculation of what the conditions would be' after U.S. troops went to Iraq and toppled Saddam's regime in May 2003. The insurgency, he maintained, was the unintended result of a 'swift victory' that led to Iraqi troops disappearing into cities and mounting a rebellion.

Hang on. We didn't stop them because Turkey slowed us down!

'Given the level of the insurgency today, two years later, clearly if we had been able to get the 4th Infantry Division in from the north, in through Turkey, more of the Iraqi, Saddam Hussein, Baathist regime would have been captured or killed,' Mr Rumsfeld told Fox News. 'The insurgency today would be less.'

The archetypal Bush declension: There is no problem; there might be a problem; it's only a small problem; we've got this huge problem; X caused this problem.

I'll stop calling this crew "Orwellian" when they stop using 1984 as an operations manual.