The Onion on Tom Delay
The Onion is a priceless national treasure:
The Onion | What Do You Think?: In recent weeks, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has come under increasing fire from a number of important media and political figures. What do you think?
Colleen Bowers, Systems Analyst: 'I heard Tom DeLay's blood was in the water and the sharks were circling him, but unfortunately, it turned out to be a metaphor.'
Don Figueroa, Tile Setter: 'There's a big difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. Sure, he broke both, but there's a big difference.'
Andre Carson, Teller: 'Enough is enough. DeLay should do the honorable thing: take all the money he's cheated out of the American people, buy himself a nice mansion, and retire.'
James Henson, Graphic Designer: 'Tom DeLay is an inspiration. His example has given me hope that my ethics violations will go ignored for years, as well.'
Zachary Hardin, Therapist: 'Oh, come on. Like nobody in Congress has ever built a career out of borderline-illegal financial impropriety before. Grow up.'
Tanya Wilkinson, Lab Assistant: 'I'm telling you, if Tom DeLay would come out and say, 'Screw it, I'm just in it for the cash and the bitches,' his popularity would skyrocket. At the very least, he'd be in a Kid Rock video.'