Patrick Nielsen Hayden's jaw drops as he contemplates the fact that ex-General Tommy Franks--he of the "I have no plan for Phase IV"--is giving seminars on "Strategies That Get Results." This is a problem with both the Onion and Fafblog: when reality outstrips your craziest imaginings, how can you compete?
Electrolite: What conservatism is.: "What conservatism is. Fred Clark of Slacktivist is impressed by the news that Gen. Tommy Franks has been going from city to city, delivering a talk to ‘motivational’ business seminars entitled ‘From the Battlefield to the Business World: Strategies that Get Results.’ Apparently, there’s a market for this.
Local business leaders have apparently been sitting around in their chambers of commerce wondering, ‘How can I make my business more of an insoluble quagmire?’ Or ‘In today’s competitive marketplace, how can our company create a situation in which we can never win and never leave?’ Or ‘My employees’ morale is at an all-time low after I lied to them into order to launch a massive campaign they now recognize as meaningless—can I force them to stay and pretend they’re happy with some kind of private-sector variation on ‘stop-loss’?’ Or ‘Our company controls only a tiny sliver of market share, we’re completely reactive and we can’t even safely step outside our fortress-like headquarters, what’s the best way to pretend we’re actually in charge and in control?’
It’s almost too obvious to comment on, but the plain fact is that for millions of people, the idea of Gen. Franks delivering a talk on ‘Strategies that Get Results’ doesn’t in fact produce boggled astonishment. Gen. Franks is a gruff-talking American military man; of course he’s an expert on ‘getting results’, no matter what kind of results he has or hasn’t actually got...