Grasping Reality on TypePad, by Brad DeLong

Mark Halperin has been grading the Republican candidates in an... interesting... way. We read his mind, and attached his thought comments:

Scott Walker: Style A-, Substance C+. Overall: A <--I have no idea what "averaging" is, but I like Scott Walker!
Scott Walker: Style A-, Substance B. Overall: A- <--I don't like Scott Walker quite as much because his people haven't been leaking to me recently. So even though he did much better, I won't raise his grade! Instead, I will lower it!
Rand Paul: Style B, Substance B. Overall: A- <--I really have no idea what "averaging" is, but I like Rand Paul!
Carly Fiorina: Style A-, Substance C-. Overall: A- <--What? You thought I would have learned what "averaging" is?
Jeb Bush: Style A-, Substance B+. Overall A- <--See! I can give a slightly plausible grade!
Jeb Bush: Style A-, Substance B. Overall: A- <--Just joking, unless, of course, substance counts for zero...
Rick Santorum: Style B+, Substance B. Overall B+ <--But if I admitted substance counts for zero, I would have to report only one number rather than three...
Ted Cruz: Style B+, Substance C. Overall: B+ <--I agree that Ted Cruz is, relative to Rick Santorum, a policy imbecile. But it doesn't matter!
Chris Christie: Style A-, Substance B-. Overall: B+ <--Faked you out! See I can give an overall grade that is not equal to or higher than the "style" grade! But it's not that I can take averages and that substance matters, it's that Chris Christie's staff hasn't leaked to me enough...
Marco Rubio: Style B, Substance B+. Overall: B+ <--And even though I think substance counts for zero, Mark Rubio's staff has leaked to me. So he gets a bump even though his performance was that of a blancmange...
Ted Cruz: Style B+, Substance B-. Overall B <--Been hitting the books Ted? Isn't going to help you with me!
Lindsey Graham: Style B, Substance B. Overall B <--Bow-ring!
Chris Christie: Style B, Substance B, Overall B <--Bow-ring!
Rick Perry: Style B, Substance B-. Overall B <--Knows less than Chris Christie, but that doesn't matter...
Mike Huckabee: Style B, Substance B-, Overall B <--Also knows less than Chris Christie, but that doesn't matter...
Donald Trump: Style B, Substance B. Overall: B- <--I have forgotten about this "averaging" thing again? Can someone remind me?
Rick Perry: Style B, Substance B-. Overall: B- <--I know I think substance counts for zero, but Rick Perry's staff need to step up their leaks...
Bobby Jindal: Style B, Substance B-. Overall: B- <--I know I think substance counts for zero, but Bobby Jindal's staff need to step up their leaks...
Rick Santorum: Style B, Substance B-. Overall: B- <--I know I think substance counts for zero, but Rick Santorum's staff need to step up their leaks...
Ben Carson: Style B, Substance C+. Overall: B- <--You really didn't think that Ben Carson knows less about policy than an iguana would lead me to penalize him, did you?.
John Bolton: Style B-, Substance B-. Overall: B- <--Super bow-ring!
George Pataki: Style B-, Substance B. Overall B- <--You didn't think that the fact that Pataki is not as ignorant about policy as Bolton would lead me to cut him any breaks, did you?
Sarah Plain: Style B, Substance C-. Overall: C+ <--I am sure I can explain why it is only a female candidate that I give an overall grade not more than, not equal to, not a hair less than, but two steps below their "style" grade. It's not that I am a sexist pig! There's another reason! I'll think of it soon...

Why these people in journamalism even have jobs, let alone high-paid ones, continues to escape me...